Imprint

Imprinting, is a specialized learning process in animal behavior or an epigenetic mechanism in genetics where a specific trait or gene expression becomes permanently fixed during an early developmental window.

You may think of various movies and books using that word but the actual feeling of emotional imprinting can be heart shattering lonely and not as romantic and sensual as it is displayed. It is not easy to explain it in just a few words or a simple definition. Wikipedia lacks feelings. Think about a duckling forming an irreversible attachment to the first moving thing it sees - this kind of imprinting is what I mean.

There is a familiar face, you don't know how you got here or what happened yesterday but that familiar face is enough for you to accept this reality. As long as you are happy it doesn't matter right? 
His voice, his eyes, his ... smile. It all feels too good to be true but why are you thinking this way?  Is there a reason why you should doubt him? You don't remember any. Your heart is pounding too fast to care, your mind is too focused on him and you, right now. Time and space lost all it's meaning it comically feels like how they describe it in romance novels. You forget the plot. You don't remember anything that happened except for him and that you loved him. And he loved you too. This feeling of absolute certainty makes you almost ecstatic. It doesn't matter how often you forget, it is always the same. 

When you wake up you wonder why you are still dreaming about him. Someone so poisonous he might left something in your system, for decades already. No antidote. 
You're lonely. You don't know if these feelings are real or not. How can feelings that are not mine come back again and again not to haunt me but to embrace me in my sleep? Where are they coming from? None of this feels like a nightmare except for when I wake up full of -nothing-.

My first Love.
My first Lover.
My first imprint.